


no cap?

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Don't Examine the Plot Holes too Closely, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Hatake Kakashi Is A Brat, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Hatake Kakashi is a Troll, Hokages Are Also Trolls, I Fucked Up Canon, My First Work in This Fandom, No Uchiha Massacre, Protective Uchiha Sasuke, Sasuke is dumb, Stupidity, Uchiha Itachi Being a Good Brother, Uchiha Obito Lives, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, Uchiha Sasuke swears a lot, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Uchiha Shisui Lives, alternately, and, dont you think so, i cant believe i fucking forgot to add the rest of the uchihas, i hadnt expected this shit but, im dumb, the uchiha quartet + an orphaned brat (or two) makes a family, ye
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:21:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25363060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sasuke goes on a mission with Kakashi. Shit ensues.~hiatus~
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Namikaze Minato, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Obito & Uchiha Sasuke & Uchiha Shisui, Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, damn thats a hella long tag
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	1. 1

It was the same shit every time I came back from one of my taxing month-long missions.

Sleep half the fucking day, eat tomato and onion soup(trust me, it's fucking amazing), sleep more, sit there and wallow in self-pity and drink a whole bottle of liquor at midnight, and then pass out again. You undoubtedly know what they say: same shit, different day. And sure enough, today was no different. I always wake up with every growing hatred for myself.

"Sasuke, open the door." Yeah, fuck that, no thanks, I feel like I'm fucking dying all over again. It was Kakashi but, I didn't give two shits about whatever ninja thot was bothering him now. I apparently was a good candidate most of the time to listen to his fucking problems.

"Sasuke, open the goddamn door or I solemnly swear to the unknown gods, I'll chidori your pompous Uchiha ass." Not wanting to get my ass beat for the umpteenth time this week by my teacher, I sat up and rubbed my head twice before stumbling over to the door like the drunkard I was.

"What do you so importantly need?" I yawned, sleep at the corners of my eyes. Tapping his foot a few times, he turns fully to me and pushes his way into my flat.

"What the fuck?" I look at him as he forcefully pushes into my apartment.

"Come on, we don't have all goddamn day, go, get dressed, you have 30 minutes, I'm waiting on you." I take a cold shower, brush my teeth and piss before throwing on a black tee and ANBU sweatpants. Putting my sandals the slowest I can, Kakashi ducks out the dreary flat and I follow him to what may be an ass whooping. Those seem to happen a lot. He peacefully starts walking out of the complex and down the dusty street toward Hokage Tower.

Jumping through the large window(like proper ninjas do), we land in front of the brown desk.

"Lady Hokage." Kakashi states. "Hmm?" She turns around(she likely already knew we were there) from the illuminated window and her eyes burn a hole through me.

"Uchiha."

"Tsunade the Slug." I could feel Kakashi beside about to slap the back of my head, but that's a different matter.

"What do you need so urgently that you brought him in my office?" She snaps viciously, something dangerous lurking beneath her calculating eyes: anger.

Let me explain where all the unprovoked (or not-so-unprovoked) anger is coming from: Long story short, the clan almost got murdered by Danzo's Children of the Corn, yada, yada, I in rage, went full missing nin on Konoha. I was found by Kakashi, got my ass sorely beat, and was dragged all the fucking way back. Where, I was oh, sooooo welcomed back.

"I'll just fucking go," I snap just as viciously back, turning around. Nobody insults an Uchiha!

"You will stay." Kakashi orders and forcibly pulls on my collar. Sure, just choke me. I appreciate it so very much when you do that, Kakashi. I stand stiff next to him and start counting. One, two, three.

"I'd like him to assist me on my mission."

"Why tho?" I mumble in annoyance. I deadass, just want to go back the fuck to sleep. Kakashi just taps his foot before looking back at Tsunade.

"Why, when there's plenty of other better jounin available?" Tsunade says staunchly, angry at the so called 'ghastly' sight of me. Ouchie, that hurt.

"I request that Sasuke go with me. Please."Kakashi carefully stated to the woman who was gradually getting angrier. Kakashi may be dense sometimes but he knew not to piss off The Senju Tsunade. I, on the other hand, was a complete and utter dumbass and didn't know when to stop. Oops.

Naturally, with Tsunade, it was inevitably "Sasuke's a dickhead this!" and "He's a fucking Uchiha that!" I mean I don't really give a shit but damn what am I, cat shit? Probably. I snort at the thought.

Kakashi slaps the back of my head with love, of course, before turning back towards Tsunade. She solemnly shakes her head before stamping the paper the way she wants to stab me. Hard.

"He's cleared for active duty." She reluctantly turns to Kakashi, then me.

"Fuck anything up Uchiha and you're dismissed of duty." I level my eyes disdainfully before leaving with Kakashi.

"We leave at 5:00 am tomorrow, don't be late!" He just smiles before walking off.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, Kakashi!" I chuckle ruefully to myself before heading back to my flat. I open the door to see, with regret, three of the assholes I call my lovely family.

A heavy hand lands on my head and another on my shoulder.

"Obito, Shisui, and for the love of the unknown gods Itachi, why are you here?!" I turn around to scowl at them.

"We just... wanted to hang out with..you??" Obito squeaks, voice raising from his usual deep husk to a few octaves higher.

"Why are you blatantly lying to me." I say deadpan at my cousin. 

"I'm not as dumb as you think I am." I leave the 'asshole' part unsaid because, who wants to get their ass beat by Uchiha Obito. Not me.  
I grab a rosy apple off the battered table and sit down next to my older brother, my scowl growing by the second. Behind me, I can undoubtedly hear Shisui scolding Obito about 'blowing their cover' even though he's four almost five years his senior.

Itachi gently taps my forehead before taking the apple out of my hand and contently eating it.

"Hey!" I whine in despair at him for forcibly taking my dinner. Mumbling under my breath, I curse horribly the day I unwittingly gave him a duplicate key to my flat.

"Sasuke-kun, Wanna go out to eat?" Shisui's hands lands on my shoulders as he teases in his usual 'I'm your big cousin so I undoubtedly have to be tremendous asshole' tone.

"I admittedly have nothing better to do." I sigh mournfully at my interrupted plans of doing nothing and stand up to expect my fate.

"That's a yes!" Shisui, Obito and Itachi all haul me out the door and to the nearest soba shop. We all messily sit down at a table.

Visualize this: four grown ass men, all about six feet tall and 150 odd pounds, sitting flush together in a tiny booth. That's what we look like: fucking ridiculous.

Shisui hastily winds his very shapely arm around my neck. Oh no. He roughly squeezes in what he genuinely believes is unabashed, a friendly manner(does he really), but in reality he's fucking choking me. He quickly lets go as soon as he barely notices I'm turning blue. But on a side note, Shisui has very nice arms. 

"Asshole." I snark and slap his arm. Very nice arms.

He merely smiles before inevitably turning to Obito and quickly harassing him too. Obito shoots a quick glare at me as if I were the one choking him before trying to get Shisui off him.

I turn to Itachi and he's looking at the menu, deep in thought at which type of soba he wants.

"Itachi." I tap his shoulder. He shoots a quick look at me, sighs, and sits the menu down.

"Yes?" He doesn't remove his gaze from the menu to look at me. I tap him again and he finally looks at me.

"Can you pay for the meal, please?" I shoot him puppy-dog eyes and try my hardest to get out of paying.

"Yeah, nope." Shit, this always work when younger. Sad face emoji. 

"Aw, man." I pout and lean against the chair.

A waitress comes over to the table and almost trips over her feet at the sight of our table. I shake my head turning to Shisui still bothering Obito.

"H-hi, wwhat wou-would you guys li-like?" She shakes in what seems most like fear.

Shisui quickly turns but Obito puts him in a head lock and orders for himself and Obito. We always make Shisui order last or someone else orders for him; he takes fucking forever in a half, the asshole.

Itachi orders cold soba for himself and the waitress turns to me.

"Hot soba and katsudon, please." I flash a famous Uchiha smirk at her and I swear she fucking runs as soon as I'm finished. Itachi hastily swats my shoulder in pity for the poor girl. Yeah, Uchiha are very, very rowdy. That's all you need to know.

"Oh, and some chilled sake." She nods. Chilled sake just hits different, I don't know.

"Soo, Sasuke-chan, what's up?" Shisui asks, elbows resting on the table. "I have a mission tomorrow with Kakashi at 5 am, which is gonna be fan-fucking-tastic." I say deadpan back to him. 

Obito quickly buts in, "He's probably gonna be like, six hours late." He snickers at the thought of his best friend. "Didn't you just get back from a mission though?" Itachi states, looking at me.

"Yep, but apparently, this mission is sooo important he actually requested me for it." I lay my head on the cool wood. Shisui pats my back. However, what a pat is to Shisui is different to what you and I think a goddamn pat is. I jerk up from the table, my few seconds of piece being interrupted. The food arrives after Shisui decides to slap the shit out of my back. 

I eat the soba and katsudon fervently, choking twice, and afterwards sip on a cup of sake afterwards. My two cousins are bickering over tempura for some weird-ass reason. I quickly shovel it into my mouth. Now, I just can hope they'll shut the literal fuck up.

Instead, they yell at me.

"Shut up, it was just a piece of tempura, just order more." Itachi pours more sake into my cup in some sort of sixth sense at my mood.

After ordering and eating more tempura, I am once again hauled out of a door. Obito and Shisui stop inside a convenience store and get what I think is a six pack of beer. Woo hoo! More alcohol! We head back to my flat in what, from an outside view, looks like a bunch of grown fucking men running and yelling down the street. And if they said that's what it looks they would be very fucking correct.

Shisui is again trying to choke the fuck out of Obito, and to get away from Shisui, he keeps latching onto me. Itachi is reading something that looks like Icha Icha and is leaning on me.

Obito pipes up, "Last one to Sasuke's flat is a rotten egg!". He takes off and we quickly follow behind him. If you hadn't fucking noticed yet, we're all children. Drunk, shinobi, children. Itachi is gaining on him but is still quite behind. I'm slightly behind Shisui and I don't think Shisui is going 100% his fastest. And I have seen it before, believe me that man is fucking fast. And he has nice arms. Obito is already there by the time we arrive. I latch on to the couch.

"Sasuke-kun, could please move your long ass legs off the couch?" Shisui pleads, trying to pull me off the couch, which is mine. He successfully pulls me to the floor, but not before I pull him down.

"Ow, fuck!" Shisui has unfortunately hit his elbow and knee on the floor. Oops.

I laugh at him and he tries to smack me. I saw it coming, however, and roll over saving my beautiful ass face from a bruise.

Obito and Itachi had already sat down on the couch and are watching some movie. I sit next to Itachi and Shisui sits next to me, if you could call it that. It's more like a sprawl on top of the rest of our laps. Obito levels his eyes at Shisui's antics and smacks his chest. Shisui wheezes and turns away from Obito. Itachi's eye twitches in what is most likely anger at Shisui. I let out a chuckle. I crack open a beer and chug it, like it's the last beer I'll ever get.

We spend the rest of the night watching movies, drinking beer, and hitting the fuck out of each other.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i can't write fight scenes for shit so... enjoy, i guess.

Waking up with a sore-anything was terrible. But waking up with a terrible hangover and 2 over-sized men laying on top of you, was worse a fucking million odd times over. Shoving Shisui off my shoulder was the easier part but, getting Obito off my ass truly was the hard part. I have been told, my ass is an amazing pillow.

"Obito, please, get off of me!" I whisper-yelled in considerable anguish. He finally rolled off of me but not before grinning at me. I hastily stood up and went to the bathroom across the hall. I stumbled awkwardly into the kitchen after getting ready for my mission. A prepared plate of delicious looking food was on the table.

I didn't know anybody who could sufficiently cook enough to be able to make this... "Dispel!" I eagerly tried breaking the genjutsu that was 'placed'. I catch a loud chuckle from behind me. It soon turns into full out laughter. I reluctantly turn to confront my older brother with our cousins laughing their asses off. My face gets flushed in embarrassment. Scowling at them, I merely play it off, snatching the plate and eating angrily on the couch. Itachi gently pats my shoulder in what I instantly think is profound pity or considerable amusement.

"Assholes, the lot of you." I grumble. "Anyway, Sasuke, we'll see ya later." Obito still stifling his boisterous laughter, yells halfway out the door. They say their goodbyes and purposefully leave in a loud manner. I mumble incoherently to myself in critical thought.

"What 'cha doing?" I instantly turn and gently hold a kunai to their neck.

"Ow, ow, calm down."

"Naruto, you fucking dumbass, I was so close to slitting your throat." I instantly drop my kunai from his neck and turn towards the patio door. Gently opening it, I hop nimbly off the overhanging balcony and walk toward the gates. He naturally, follows in tandem.

"But besides that, what do you want?" I suddenly turn and he bumps into me.

"Why're you so goddamn tense 'round me now?" His fierce eyes narrow into slits. Typically leave it to this motherfucker to be so nosy. Okay, I consider two choices: 1. Politely tell Naruto about my last mission and risk being 30 minutes late or 2. Walk away like nothing happened regardless. I inevitably go with the much necessary latter.

"Sayonara, Naruto!" I wave triumphantly at him as I leave.

"Asshole, you better tell me about it when you get back." He yells at me in fierce anger. I punctually arrive at the historic front gate where, surprisingly, Kakashi is standing.

"Wow, you're not fucking late for once!" I exclaim bitterly in genuine surprise. Kakashi grumbles something about me incorrectly being an annoying Uchiha prick and I fucking beam the brightest goddamn smile in the Five Elemental Nations. As soon as it's 5:00, we take off for the trees, full speed.

"Details?" I inquire him, knowing absolutely nothing about this mission. He unhesitatingly replies:

"Search and assassinate, confirmed reports of a low B-ranked nin being a _dickhead_ in Wave." I promptly turn and stop.

"Wave?" I exclaim, surprised. That's really fucking unusual, the Wave is not a shinobi village nor does it possess much significance otherwise except a big ass bridge.

"Yeah, I thought it was odd, too." Kakashi replies, almost as if he accurately predicted what I was undoubtedly going to mention. I pondered what a B-ranked missing nin could be doing in a small village. Kakashi started to slow down, and I looked around for possible threats.

"Here's a seems to be a nice place to rest, doesn't it, pretty boy?" Kakashi turned back to me, hands on his hips. I rolled my eyes, taking my bed roll out of my mission pack.

"It seems pretty suspicious for there to be a big-ass gap in the forest, Kakashi, but okay." I muttered, sitting my pack on the bed roll.

"Sasuke?" Kakashi looks at me expectantly, disappointment yet also amusement swirling in his single visible eye.

"Sorry, sir." I muttered before wandering into the forest to get away from the demon I call my teacher. Kakashi is eating one of those shitty ration bars when I get back, a book in hand. I plop down close to him but not next to him, it's too hot for that shit even though the sun is setting. Stupid Land of Fire weather.

" _Sleep_ ," Kakashi points at the my bed roll,I groaned as soon as he said so. He rolled his eye.

"We've been traveling full speed all day and I can tell you're tired, _Sasuke_. I'll take first shift. Now go to sleep like a good boy so I don't have to **force** you too." I can almost see him smile through the mask, the sick bastard.

"Yeah, yeah, okay, _dad_." I grumbled, face-planting in the bed roll, falling asleep almost immediately. 

When he wakes me up during midnight, my shoulder is throbbing like a bitch. Kakashi just smiles.

"Maybe you shouldn't have laid like that while you were sleeping, _idiot._ " Kakashi says, patting my hurt shoulder. I stick my tongue out at him, like a grown man would, of course. 

Time seems to fly by, the sun rising in what feels like minutes. I stand up, walking toward the sleeping form opposite me. 

"Wake up, you wishy-washy bastard." He flinches as I ~~kick~~ nudge him with my foot. 

"You smell, " I turn toward Kakashi, nasty ration bar in hand.

"I thought bitches were supposed to have good noses, guess not though." I shrugged, stuffing the bar into my bag and packing up my bedroll.

"Wow, you actually did learn something from me!" Kakashi says surprised, hand over his chest. I roll my eyes.

\----------

I gathered a deep breath in of the salty air as soon as I saw the beach. Kakashi swats my shoulder in a painful way of informing me 'that's not what we're here for dumbass'.

I pout in the cutest way I can as a grown man. Kakashi makes a face of disgust and conveniently locates The 'Great' Naruto Bridge to get away and vaults it. I, not being so goddamn dramatic, just jog across it. Kakashi, this time, merely looks at me scandalized.

"Come on pretty boy, let's get the fucking show on the road." Kakashi mutters impatiently when he naturally thinks I'm not paying attention. I level my eyes at him, and we keep walking. Suddenly, he stops instantly and glances at me before signing 'high chakra level ahead' and 'mask chakra'. I respond carefully and mask my chakra as we divert into the trees.

'He seems like ninjustu potential user, flank either side and attack'. Kakashi signs, hands moving so fast I can barely read them. We launch the attack; Kakashi and I, his right. The nin doesn't falter and instead getting into what couldn't be anything but a taijutsu stance. He slams his hands on the ground.

"Summoning Justu!" He cries passionately, and what seems to be four seal patterns miraculously appear on the dirt. He then focuses on Kakashi, releasing an earth jutsu to counter his Chidori.

I try breaking his defenses by going for Uchiha taijutsu.

I kick his feet out under him but he dodges and immediately retaliates by swing his fist into my solar plexus.

I stumble backward and into what I conclude is a tree. Recovering, I quickly perform seals.

"Katon: Phoenix Flower Jutsu!"I shoot the fireballs at him and hit him with a couple of them. You would fucking think I'd be better at this, but no. It singes his clothes and I can smell burnt flesh.

Heh, got ya, motherfucker.

Every so often, I openly wonder if I do this to try to typically make my self feel better or just to be really fucking dumb. Either way, it doesn't matter. The ninja tries to head for the trees. Instead, he stumbles right into Kakashi's Chidori, effectively extinguishing his life.

After he roughly pulls the ~~asshole~~ poor guy off of his goddamn hand, he merely turns and stares in profound shock at something behind me.

"What, you finally realize how much of an asshole you correctly are?" I turn to perceive what he's gazing at and gasp. He swats my shoulder at me for being by heart, an asshole.

"Dickhead, your hand is still covered in blood!" I yell at him as I turn around. In front of us, they total four men.

"Where in the everlasting hell are we?" One with flaxen hair extremely similar to Naruto's to be anything unsuspecting, coughs out.

"Fuck if I know." Another one snarks, his blue battle armor glinting in the hot-ass sun.

"Kakashi...And gods strike me down if I'm mistaken, is that the Fourth?" I gape pointing at the blone-haired haired one.

"Yep."

"No cap?" I glance cautiously at him. These old men are the four previous Hokage.

"They popped out of the fucking ground! Like daisies!" I yell frantically, running behind Kakashi.

Kakashi, getting desperately genuinely tired of me, slaps my magnificent ass Uchiha face.

"Kid," Kakashi starts. "I love you but for the love of the gods, shut the fuck up." He releases Killing Intent at me, and I just cling to him tighter. He sighs and focuses on the problem at hand. They all seem disoriented as if they were previously fighting and were rudely interrupted. The First steps up to us and grins widely.

"Excuse me, if you don't mind, where are we?" He asks confidently.

"Wave Country, sir, to the south-west of Konoha." Kakashi says, unfazed, even though he's talking to one of the Founders.

"Hashirama, don't ask random ass people where we are." The Second mutters to his big brother.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" Tobirama glances at us, red eyes observing.

Hiruzen answers with a smile directed at us,

"Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Sasuke."Kakashi and I, being very emotionally stunted, nod to him in acknowledgement.

"An Uchiha, I could never!"He gasps scandalously. Who knew he could be such a fucking drama queen.

"Calm down, Tobi." Hashirama smiles at his little brother. Meanwhile, Minato and Kakashi lock eyes with each other.

"Stop eye-harassing your teacher, Kakashi." I whisper into his ear. He tries hitting me once again.

"Okay, okay, sorry." I halfheartedly apologize.

"I know for a fact you aren't sorry, you little shit." He pats my back as if to say 'you're getting your ass beat later'.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is this considered kidnapping? also i dont know where the hell this is going but oh well

We had found a desolate clearing to take a break at, emphasizing on empty. The ground was sterile like my dear brother's brai-, oopsie anyways, there were no overhanging trees. I should have been alarmed but oh well, idiocy seems to run naturally through the family, blood, or not.

  
"What the fuckity fuck are we supposed to do now?" Kakashi shrugged at my inquiry, eagerly opening his mission pack to get out of talking to me. Hissing (yes, hissing, like a fucking snake), I sat back down, fiddling with a nasty ration bar. Flinging it up in the air a couple of times, I hurled it at the back of Kakashi's lovely head.

  
He, regrettably, managed to evade it, it sailing majestically into the thick brush. 

  
Motherfucking ninja reflexes.   
  
"So, Kasuke?" The blond-haired ninja who shared an intense resemblance to Naruto asked, sitting on a tree branch that looked like it was about to snap. Was his ass that fat? I leveled my eyes at him, huffing. He just smirked.  
  
"It's Sasuke, sweetheart. People say you're such a fucking genius, so next time could you please get it right, grandpa?" I beamed at him, properly using the most respectful tone I could muster. The Fourth grudgingly acknowledged me through a nod, concentrated rage lurking beneath those demon eyes of his. It seems to run in the fucking family.  
  
I stood up, prepared to go somewhere to get the hell out of Crazy Town. Kakashi was reading a book upside down (I swear to the gods. I cannot make this shit up), the pale Hokage was reprimanding his dumb brother, Hokage (What? It had to be fucking said), the Third was just sitting there and smiling at them like the weird-ass neighbor we lived next to in 5th grade who would constantly insist Itachi, Shisui, Obito, and I to come over.

  
Now, looking back on it, he might've been a- You know what. 

  
Nevermind. Forget it. 

  
Ah, where was I- Yes. And the blond douchebag who keeps disturbing me was looking at me and smiling. Very fucking creepy. 10/10 would not fucking recommend.  
  
"Sit your ass back down, Uchiha," Kakashi muttered, still looking through his mission pack. What for? Crack? Weed? I genuinely don't know. I sat back down because my conceited ass has already endured enough vicious beatings for my tragic life.   
  
"I'm so bored!" The First Hokage groaned in agony, hanging off of his brother's shoulder dramatically. This is very nostalgic.  
  
Great-value brand Naruto hopped off his elevated perch and jumped nimbly right next to the silver-haired maniac I call my ex-teacher and current friend? But that just sounds weird as hell. The Fourth leaned conspiratorially in murmuring something in Kakashi's ear and Kakashi sighed as he backed away. What did he ask?   
  
"Okay," Kakashi clapped his hands together, capturing everyone's devoted attention. The Fourth promptly took over leaning gracefully against a tree. Like a douchebag.  
  
"Is everyone prepared?" He clasped his hands together, allowing me an impish smile. Genuinely, he looked and sounded like a white soccer mom. I mean, what? What are white people? What the fuck is soccer? Ha. Ha.

  
It was unsettling as fuck. 

  
I looked away as quickly as I could. A chorus of yeses (that's a weird-ass word, isn't it?) arose, and we started back to Konoha, my heavy ass mission pack pulling me down.  
  
"I told you to pack light, didn't I?" Kakashi chimed without looking back like the arrogant bastard he is. He scoffed.  
  
"You did fucking not, shithead!" I said, loud enough for everyone in a 50-mile radius to undoubtedly hear. Dickhead. The group flinched, the unmistakable echo ricocheting off the trees.   
  
"I implied it." He eloquently stated, the setting sun shining gloriously on his stupidly gorgeous hair.  
  
"You're such a wishy-washy bastard, y' know," I replied bluntly, using Naruto's verbal tic in an extraordinary accident. On ACCIDENT, okay? I grasped what I said a tad too overdue. The Third and Kakashi burst out laughing hysterically while the Fourth just looked perplexed.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha. Mhm, yes, very entertaining. Laugh it up." I muttered, rolling my eyes. Oh, and did they. 

  
"What the fuck are we doing here?" I sighed, rubbing the space in between my virtually non-existent eyebrows. Why do I let myself fall asleep around my family?  
We stopped, mind you, after several hours of high-speed travel, at another clearing right outside a little town.  
I desperately just wanted a nap, goddamnit.

  
"We need henges." Kakashi motioned to our group. Aww, c'mon, why the hell didn't I figure that out earlier. I thought I was supposed to be the smart one.  
I sulked near a tree, resting my forehead on the bark. 

  
"You're absolutely positively a big bitch, calm yourself." Kakashi nudged the back of my calf with his foot. I sighed wistfully, protruding my bottom lip out, facing him.

  
He made the most offended expression through his solitary eye, and let me tell you, I've hung around him (I was typically forced by Obito and then later placed on his team) for what I consider almost my whole life, and I have never seen him do this.

  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay?" I hung off his shoulder, not wanting to do his "murder" training course when we got back. Kakashi looked much more pleased after my desperate apology, clapping his hands and then henging into a teenage boy. 

  
I shrieked like a little girl, grabbing onto the thing closest to me which happened to be the Second. He glared at me, his frosty red eyes staring into my soul.  
I hastily withdrew my hands, shoving them into my pockets. I side-stepped toward Kakashi.

  
"Sorry, sir." Muttering, the Second scoffed and then turned to his hyperactive older brother.

  
Prehistoric coot.

  
After henging (I turned into a little boy who looked like your standard child, it made me look much more innocent, which is such a fucking shock), we entered the dingy motel, it exuding depression. The receptionist was a young man, not much older than me, his eyes revealing apathy and boredom.

  
"This is hurting my goddamn soul." The Second grunts, looking up at the fucking moth-beacon on the ceiling, otherwise known as a light fixture. He transformed into an old man, shaky cane and all. It fit him.

  
He barely spared any of us a glance, merely handing us key-cards and then fucking off. I can't blame him. But then again, I deadass haven't slept in like 2 days, so I don't really give a fuck.

  
As soon as we vacate the main part of the building and head toward the actual rooms, I remove my henge, stretching my arms, working the knots and kinks out. This is going to be a long fucking night. 

  
And no, it's not what you're imagining, you goddamn pervs. 

  
Kakashi hands me a card, the Second grabs it out of my hand, walking away, and I then, and only then, catch on.

  
"This is bullshit." I openly express my anger for having to room with Mr. I-have-a-stick-up-my-ass. Kakashi just shrugs, the miserable bastard. As soon as we're off this mission, I fucking swear-

  
"That's a you problem, sweetheart." Kakashi smiles (I think, I can't actually see the asshole's face, so I'm going out on a limb here) before slamming the door in my face. 

  
This is bullshit. I blink stupidly a totally normal amount of times, reigning in my anger. It's okay, it's all fine. I reassure myself, walking leisurely across the dingy hall to the shabby room. 

  
Shit, I would have taken old man Sarutobi or even that stupidly loud hyperactive son of a bitch, but this, this is just terrible. And that bastard assuredly did that shit on purpose too.

  
"So, Uchiha?" The scum part is willingly left unsaid, but I can see it in the peculiar way he's sizing me up. NOpe. nO cAn Do.   
I carefully clear my throat, I think I'm realistically expected to show respect, but this man is just fucking with me now.

  
"Yes, sir?" 

  
"It seems you're terrified of me," He starts removing something out of a hidden compartment in his armor, the practically junkyard scrap discarded in the corner. I lean anxiously against the flimsy door, ready to make my escape if need be. It seems like I might need to already.

  
"No, sir." My muscle fibers tense, almost painfully so, reacting cautiously to the stale-ass air in the overcrowded room. I take shallow breaths, apprehensive eyes faithfully following his movements.

  
The Second suddenly laughs, and it's powerful just in the way it sounds. His head is thrown back, mighty shoulders shaking and I suddenly feel even more fucking terrified than before if that's possible.

  
But then he promptly shoots what looks like a wry grin at me, and he sits comfortably in the shabby, ugly green chair near the desk. Honest to the dear gods, I was scared shitless, no fucking cap.

  
"You assuredly have that same look Madara had when he was cornered; skeptical, hostile, soggy cat with a vengeance." The Second tenderly wipes a joyful tear from his eye, a direct result from almost bursting one of his old man lungs. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Laugh? 

  
Feeling awkward, I grudgingly sit on one of the uncomfortable beds, passively watching him fiddle with a slip of used paper before turning to me.

He still has that kind of dopey look on his face, seeming to be drunk. Well, kinda.

It doesn't matter as long as he's not on my ass.

"Like this one time, me and Hashi-" And that apparently sets something off in the ancient bastard, and we (more like just the Second) spend countless hours talking incessantly until the sun is barely above the horizon, him recounting tales of his adolescence and me providing him as much sassy and asshole-ish input as I can. I won't lie...

  
I don't absolutely miss that sleep as much as I imagined I would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 10/4: did i not fucking read over this shit? bitch i see so many fuckin typos

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, folks. That's it, thanks for reading this chapter!


End file.
